I have been debating all night whether to make this post or not because a former lover an ex is a reader (and is one of the few who know my true identity), but I have to get this off my chest, so here goes.

The marriage that I thought was on pretty solid footing is, in Mrs. NDR’s opinion, not so much. What’s so frustrating is that she is not very communicative about what the problem might be. Whenever I try to elicit some sort of information, she shuts me down with “I don’t know” and similar cop-outs.

No doubt, I was not under the illusion that our relationship was perfect. We are going on 6 years together, and 3 years of marriage. That’s a considerable amount of time to be so close with one person, so tensions are bound to come up. I also know that, while I try to be the best husband/friend/lover/etc I can be, I am far from perfect. I can be cranky and contankerous (yes, both of these at the tender age of 26), stubborn, annoying and at times a big honking pain in the ass. That being said, however, my wife has heretofore accepted me and loved me in spite of my flaws. Mrs. NDR has her own set of issues. She is frequently insecure and suffers, as I do, from diminished self-esteem. I think at least part of our issue — whatever it might be — stems from this lack of self-esteem.

So, we are in the process of seeking marital counselling. I think it is a good thing that both of us are committed to doing it. Hopefully it will allow us to understand ourselves and each other better, thereby strengthening our relationship.

Complicating matters — in the intimacy department — and not like Mrs. NDR is frequently in “the mood” under these circumstances, but she started out on Paxil a few weeks ago and now the shattered remains of her sex drive are a distant memory. I think that I have always had a higher sex drive than the Mrs., but with these newfound tensions coupled with her medication, the chasm is growing ever wider. So, I try to be as supportive as possible, and don’t press the issue. Though, to borrow from one of my favourite comics, the late great Kerry Talmage — “I’ve been beating my dick like it owes me money!” Sorry for being so graphic, but that’s the freedom I feel from blogging anonymously! I must admit this is pretty cathartic, even though very few (if any) people will ever see it (though I wouldn’t mind my 15 minutes, either).

So between the potholes in the road of my marriage and my worthless, thankless job I am feeling like a failure and completely emasculated. Maybe its time for a shrink on my own — a two-fer!

Moving off of my shit-ass shituation, it’s probably been shittier for former house majority leader Tom DeLay’s friend and business partner, Jack Abramoff, as he pled guilty to 3 charges as part of a cooperation deal with the Feds. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy! In the WaPo picture, doesn’t he look like a total douche? Now all I wanted for Christmas is our favourite bug sprayer from Sugar Land to be heading for the hoose gow, maybe it’s coming late?
And in international news, what is going on in one of my favourite places — T.O. (that’s Toronto, not Terrell Owens, wiseass). Specifically, gun violence is near record highs in my beloved city. On Boxing day (that’s December 26th), a 15 year old girl, Jane Creba, was gunned down on one of Toronto’s main thorofares, Yonge Street. From all accounts, she was a completely innocent bystander at the wrong place during a gang dispute. It’s sickening. Apparently, the government believes that it’s an influx of guns from… guess where, class? Yes, that’s right the U.S.! Then again, the Toronto Star isn’t buying it. Whatever the case, it’s pretty scary to think that a city that has prided itself for so long on being one of the safest in the world is beginning to lose control to these forces of violence.
OK, I really do need to try to go to bed, even though it’s been pretty difficult these days. Insomniacs of the world, goodnight.